Today I turn 42, and my birthday present to myself is starting this blog.
It’s not ”designed,” and it really “should” be considering I’m a web designer. But I’m so over “shoulds” and totally into “what is” these days, so instead I’m starting with a theme framework called Canvas, which is appropriately blank and white. A metaphor for the starting point for the year I intend to have, beginning today.
While in years past I’ve given myself far more extravagant gifts — a week of spa appointments, a shopping spree and even a trip to London — this year I am giving myself the gift of starting. Not just this blog, but living.
I made the decision to start blogging again months ago. I made a mindmap and a blogging strategy, I consulted with colleagues about the strategy, and I brainstormed concepts for the design. I had a big folder filled with great ideas and plans and sketches but what I didn’t have was a blog.
It dawned on me on the eve of my 43rd year that this was a metaphor for my life. Big dreams, goals and plans; skills, talents and a helpful community of people around me — all shoved in a folder while I spent my energy yearning for things I didn’t have and imagining who I wanted to be rather than becoming it.
Dreams are vital to personal growth, we need goals both big and small or we’ll just tread water. But visualizing something intensely, wanting it, asking the universe for it — that doesn’t make it magically materialize, turns out.
The things we are and have right now are a product of what we thought and dreamed about in the past, but they’re also a result of the choices we made and the actions we took. Without the right (or any) action, I have come to realize that dreams can work against you.
Too much thinking, too much feeling the need to be more or somehow different than I was, for me, lead to some pretty dark periods of depression, anxiety, self-loathing and eventually, isolation. To soothe myself I would immerse myself even further in distractions — the internet, reality television, cheese puffs, this bottle of wine or that book or that video game … I’ll start my diet tomorrow, I’ll get up early and go running then crank on work tomorrow, I’ll begin/change/enjoy my life tomorrow. Anything to avoid the reality that I was stuck, and if I wanted different results, I needed to do something completely different.
So I began doing things differently. Hell, I just began doing things:
- I disconnected my cable television (turns out you don’t die from that);
- I reconnected with friends and I even told them they needed to help me get unstuck and I made them commit to spending regular time with me (I know, I’m a dork. LOL!);
- I joined a dating site (not all ideas are good ones);
- I set some limits on the time I spend on the internet in mindless activity (mindful goofing off on Facebook is okay, though, obviously);
- I signed up for meetup.com groups (best site ever invented for the person who feels isolated);
- I enrolled in some professional development courses online (“sharpening the axe” if you will, and man, I freaking love having a sharp axe);
- I began doing that French language Rosetta Stone program I bought over a year ago (Je parle un peu le Français!);
- I started going to bed earlier and waking up earlier (to study, read, exercise, make a healthy breakfast);
- I began meditating regularly (turns out this is the opposite of “thinking” and that’s exactly what I needed);
- I visualized what I wanted to accomplish the following day for a few seconds every night before falling asleep, and woke up setting an intention for the day to remind myself that life is not for “someday,” it is for today.
I start this year of becoming unstuck with the premise that the sole purpose of my life is to be alive. Everything else is just a dance.
Whether I work from a laptop in a café in Paris or from my home office, whether I could lose 30 pounds or whether I’m a size 6 … I am going to show up to life anyway. And while I’m here, I might as well do the best I can, for no other reason than it just feels better.
Where I used to get overwhelmed by all that needed to happen in order to “get where I wanted to go,” not even knowing where to start (so why not just put that off until tomorrow?), I am just showing up to my life. Not the one from my dreams, but the one I have. And turns out I like it far more than I ever realized. There can always be dreams of “more,” but not at the expense of enjoying today. Over it.
I started feeling grateful for all I have around me that I adore — a cozy home of my own; an exciting, challenging and rewarding job; incredible friends; loving and supportive family; interesting and wonderful clients and people wherever I look who help me and make me smile. I am not alone in the world, so the feeling of isolation began to loosen its grip. I am living a life that others might only dream about (including a younger version of me, I might add), so the over-thinking of things that “are not” are becoming replaced by a pretty damn lovely “what is.”
Pardonne moi but why the hell should I wait to be a size six or have more money in my retirement fund before enjoying what is? Why do we always have to be something else? When can we just enjoy who we are?
I’m questioning these things. And becoming incredibly aware and critical of the “input” that goes into my brain. While I love books and blogs and ideas that intend to inspire (or make the author some quick cash if you’re the cynical sort), my new hyphothesis is that some of the stuff people are sellin’ to motivate just might be causing more suffering in the long run.
Showing up for life is a different strategy than I’ve had for a very long time, and the results so far have been incredible. Funny thing is? By letting go of my dreams a little, and becoming more awake to life in this moment, I have begun the process of becoming “unstuck” and I’m moving toward those dreams. They are now something I feel entirely confident I will achieve and I don’t put off the things I need to do to achieve them until tomorrow, I do what I can today. And if they don’t come true that’s okay too, because I’m still alive and that’s all I need to be.
Who knows where I will be a year from now, maybe updating this blog from my macbook in a café in Paris, or maybe still right here in this chair — doesn’t really matter. Life will throw me curve balls and it will twist and turn and there will be suffering and unexpected joy along the way, but that’s part of life too and I’m going to show up for it either way. That way, I won’t ever become stuck again.
I only have to be alive, the rest is just a dance.
As I move forward, so will this blog. I intend it to be both a personal and professional blog, to write more about personal development and life, web design and marketing, web culture, philosophy, thoughts about books I read, technologies I use, things that inspire me and whatever I feel communicates who I am and what I am passionate about.
That’s what a blog used to be when I used to blog in the olden days (2004+), I guess I kinda just want to kick it old school and just let this blog be what it is and not hold too tight to any strategy. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be personal, hopefully it will be helpful and I will try to make it as transparent and real as I can make it. If you like it you will read it and if you don’t you won’t.
For those who have read this far, I thank you and I hope if you do come back, you will enjoy reading it as much as I am looking forward to writing it.
xo~Taughnee
PS If you forgot to get me something for my birthday, it’s okay, you can leave me a comment! But no pressure! 
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this! Totally understand where you are coming from….((hugs))
Thank you girl, I know you’re a thinker and spiritual person too, big big hugs to you my friend! Glad you are in my life. <3
As your internet bff/platonic-heterosexual life/internet parter and cyber-sister I am on my feet applauding you. Go get ‘em, Rock Star. Congrats and big big love!
I love you madly, J, my hero!!! <3
Awesome! I really enjoyed reading this…… Congratulations…also Happy Birthday!!
Thank you, Mike! Your comment gave me a cheezy grin!!! I am glad you enjoyed reading and thank you for the birthday wishes. Big hugs my friend!
I raise a glass of good red wine to you, my dear cybersister! Beautiful entry, lovely blank canvas, ready to be filled with the only ingredient it needs—you!
Cheers my dear friend, and thank you… thank you thank you. I love you! <3
By the way I fixed a grammatical error in the last sentence for you lol (“that” was where “who” should have been)
Good on you for the thoughts here–and you write so well! How I wish I were still nearby to be on the list of regular show-up projects, i.e., French conversation! Being alone in a new place, I am going to take a few leaves from your blog….thanks for re-starting it!
Oh Kay, I’m so flattered! I wish you were closer too, I think of you so often, you are very special to me. I hope we can find a way to converse en Français somehow, some day. I hope you come back to this blog and stay in close touch. Love you! <3 ~T
Wow! What a breath of fresh air. It’s like you opened a window and a crisp breeze blew the dust off the table as you sat down to take ownership of your life again! Congrats and Happy Birthday!
Oh my dear friend Viki, your comment brought tears to my eyes … thank you soooo very much. I love you!
<3
So proud.
I love you mom, you are the most generous, incredible person I know, I am grateful for you every single day. Now come over here and buy me some falafel, it’s my birthday! lol
Taughnee,
Thanks for sharing . . . absolutely loved reading it. How can we already be in our 40s?! Seriously! I too try to be in the present, though so hard some days . . . you will be my new inspiration! Thanks, Taughnee. Have a great birthday.
Thank you cuz! I know, we were just wee little children five minutes ago! lol Love to you and the family! *muah*
Taughnee, for almost 20 years I’ve known you were a smart girl, always admired you, and now…I’m just so damn impressed. It’s not about our resume in life, but how we live each day. Thank you for reminding me of that. You are an amazing woman! Luv to you T!
Oh Amy you gonna make me cry, you are an inspiration for me — beautiful, smart & full of life. I love you big!!! <3
Taughnee – So awesome and inspiring!!! You go!
Thank you my friend! Muah!
Nice! Glad to see it’s finally up and running. What a great start too. Hope you keep it up, and inspiring all of us to do better ourselves. Happy Birthday!
Thanks Mary! Not the big splash I envisioned months ago, but really, quite perfect in the end. Thank you for all of your help with the planning, it will come into play, I promise!
Awesome blog post! So glad you are writing again. Thanks for sharing it with me.
Happy Birthday Scorpio sister!
Love, Amy
Thank you, Amy! And for all your enduring support and friendship. Happy birthday to you, scorpio sister! Looking forward to our celebratory lunch.
))
It seems as though we are going through the same things. I’ve thought of these things off and on for the last few years. Think, think, think but never do, experience, or finish. Congrats to you for pronouncing it in public and good luck to you.
Exactly. Thinking without doing caused me a lot of suffering. Doing feels really good. Thank you for sharing that, and for reading. Big hugs my friend! <3
Beautiful!!! I can so relate to so much of what you said! Just eloquent! I am here for you always and would like to go on this journey with you! Love you!
Oh you’re comin’ on it with me!!! I am so glad we’ve reconnected, we will stay that way I promise. Thank you and love you, Polly. <3
Thank you for being so real and transparent in your blog. O love it when we are fearless.
Blessings on you T.
Jason G
Thank you, Jason! It’s not always easy being transparent and real, pretty damn scary actually lol … but man it feels good. I don’t think I’m out on the ledge by myself anyway, look at all the beautiful people who took the time to read. I’m so grateful. Blessings on you as well my friend. Big hugs. xo~T
Happy belated birthday to you, however, your blog is an early bday present for me! Thanks Taughnee! The rest is just a dance…
Thank you, Kate! I miss you lady, let’s get together!
Happy Birthday Taughnee,
What you are describing in your blog is a universal rule of life. Thoughts are reality. You are absolutely correct. All the things we thought about in the past has come to fruition today. Contiinue to LIVE LIFE TODAY. For as long as you can wake up its a new day and anything is possible. We have a family motto that I’ve been teaching the kids since they were little. (by the way they still talk about spening nights at your house)
THINK IT TO CREATE IT
FEEL IT TO BELIEVE IT
KNOW IT TO HAVE IT
Hopefully, as the girls get older and understand this mantra more, it will be easier for them to obtain their dreams, while living life every day. My two cents.
Miss ya
Thank you, Herman!
I well know that your family has a really wonderful, calm and optimistic energy and I think that’s why there’s so much success and joy that surrounds you. I have no doubt that your beautiful girls (tell them hi! for me please!) will inherit this same world view.
I think when people get stuck, it’s when they think it, feel it and know it … and then DON’T get the desired results. Some people have the skills to not believe their ego when it tells them they’re to blame, they won’t ever succeed … that’s why successful people can fail and recover and succeed again. Some people believe those false thoughts, or don’t replace them with better ones, and the downward spiral begins … I think that’s where depression comes from too, it’s exhaustion from all this negative thinking.
You get what you wish for when you think wrong thoughts, too. That’s why it’s so hard to get unstuck.
But the part of this that’s key for me, and why I wrote this, is that while I’ve been working very hard on what “thought inputs” go in, there is a second half of this equation — and that is having the discipline to do the right *actions* to go along with those thoughts.
Which your girls are being exposed to in force — because their parents demonstrate this in so many ways, from your community involvement to your academic and entrepreneurial pursuits.
You and Lynda are wonderful role models, to your kids and to the rest of us. Thank you for being an inspiration in my life.
Miss you too. Big hugs!
Taughnee
Taughnee,
This was awesome to read. Truly a thought starter.
Thank you,
Dane
Oh Dane, thank YOU!
Yes. RT. Like. Thumbs up. Etc.
Your French is my Italian. But the rest of it is spot on.
We’re in the same boat. Scootch over.
We’re on a boat! LOL WHoot! *muah* Happy to be on it with you, my friend.
TAUGHNEE!! I love your blog, and your philosophy, and the whole idea of your blank canvas… and being there, in the moment, and being open to the universe!! I’m excited to see you soon and talk about all this more… Let this First Friday be the first of many more to come, girlfriend!!
love you!
Thank you, Alison! Well I’m “practicing” being in the moment — it will take a whole lot of that to put real change into motion. But it feels good so far, every day seems brighter. You are always such an inspiration to me, I really look forward to First Friday and catching up and yes, many many more where that came from! Love you!!!
Happy birthday! Let us drink a toast to life & living it!
Thank you!!! And cheers to that! TO LIFE!!! *clink*
Very thoughtful post. Life has a way of mucking up. Getting unstuck isn’t easy and staying free requires constant vigilance. Keep it up!
Constant vigilance, so true … I should learn to cross stitch and hang that on my wall. Thanks, Dave!
Happy birthday! And such a great blog and post, looking forward to more!
Thank you, Jon. I’m honored!
This is really inspiring! Thanks for sharing with us. I’ve definitely been working towards the same goal of letting go and living, and I love to hear other people have been through this, too.
Thanks, Kate! Thank you for reading. It is wonderful to know we all struggle with the same stuff, isn’t it? I am even more inspired thanks to all the people who have left these comments. Big hugs to you!
Great post! I turned 25 last month, and this post put into words exactly what I’ve been working towards since summer. I’m going to show up for my life, too, and I’ll be following your blog. Good luck with everything.
Thank you for reading, Jazz (love the name)! I look forward to following yours too! <3
Your blog never ceases to amaze me, it is very well written and organized.`.,’;
Hey there! Wonderful stuff, please keep me posted when you publish again something similar!
Hey Taughnee!
That was a very enlightening read even though it was of yourself. I think everyone can self reflect in there somewhere.
Tomorrow morning I’m waking earlier (on my day off) and I’m going to work on a couple items that I have been procrastinating on. There seems to always be a couple things nagging me in the back of my mind that keep me from living life to the fullest. Yes, they may be minor but by resolving them I will have that much less stress following me around.
Funny meeting you on “That” site
Happy Belated Birthday!
Thanks Jeff!
Yes funny meeting you “there” — yay for silver linings.
Procrastination is definitely something I struggle a lot with but I’m working on it. I read a great book recently that helped me understand why I do it (we all do it) and what to do about it. I’m happier when I’m self-disciplined, and I am trying to learn how to have calm energy when facing those tasks I would normally avoid. Life is just better when we live it in the present, and those nagging feelings that come with procrastination spoil far too much of it.
*passes you some coffee* — hope you have a wonderful day off!
Oh here’s that book. I liked it because the information comes from an academic point of view and based on actual research, unlike so many “how to stop procrastination and start living!” motivational books. (Yes, sadly, I’ve read a few. lol)
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9514605-the-procrastination-equation
Hey Taughnee,
Cool blog. I don’t get much facebook time in though enjoy reading a blog here and there. I saw an East H.S. article you wrote about me which my mom had saved. It was flattering and nice to remember those days. Meant to scan and send it to you. Keep up the great writing. I still remembering hanging with you in Freshmen English class – good times…
Thank you, Jason! What a lovely surprise to see your comment. I would love to see that article, if you ever do scan it be sure to email me a copy! And yes, those were good times. Hugs my friend.
Taughnee